Hands Off, My Loots!

Alright, I’ve been back in game for 2-3 months now so I guess now is a good time to talk about all the changes since I went on my last little leave of absence…as if anyone actually cares.

———-

First and foremost…I am no longer in the Ninjas anymore.  Lots of people already know that, but I never officially mentioned it.  I finally bit the bullet and decided to join up with Velocity Prime and the Misfit Toys in nullsec.  Truthfully, 0.0 was the one thing in EVE I’d never tried, and actually never wanted to because cap fights and lag didn’t sound fun at all.

I’m glad I did though, because my new alliance, Clockwork Pineapple, is awesome…and it’s nothing like the 0.0 I imagined.  There’s always fights…plenty of dumb people…and gives fun scamming possibilities (read my recent post on that if you haven’t already…).  The one thing that’s really cemented it I’d have to say would be Clockwork.  For anyone that doesn’t know about them, they were originally in Goons, and a long while ago split off and became their own Alliance…and as far as I know have no plans to do the Sov Game anytime soon (which is good for me).  So, for those few of you that told me recently I suck because I’m a goon now…you are wrong…I’m a gRoon…sort of…technically I’m a Droog…but whatever.

———-

What else has happened? Lots…

I bought a Cap character to try out, didn’t enjoy it that much and am currently selling him as I write this.  I’m already back up to 5 accounts, though the one with the Cap character will be closed once I sell him off.

Cyb is up to 12.3 Mil SPs (and since I’ve been playing since 2007…I’ve finally decided to stop rerolling since that’s a far cry from what I SHOULD have right now).

My alts are all doing there thing, scouting, trading, hauling, scamming, infiltrating…not much details I can give on all that other than to say once I get this Cap character sold, I’ll be up to a little over 40bil net worth…it’s good being rich again.  For those of you that don’t know…I used to be a very big time trader before I quit EVE last time, and have started getting back into that, running a few investments for TEARS, etc…and will probably be expanding my reach in that field a bit more in the short term future as a way to pay for all the expensive ships I want to get blown up.

———-

I’ve got so many logs from stuff I’ve done since I’ve gotten back, that I’ve decided I’m not going to post anything with them…because looking through 3 months of logs on 5 characters with 5-10 channels open all the time on each results in an amount of effort I am not willing to devote to it.  So, hopefully I’ll start getting some more Tears and retarded people to post about soonish.

———-

What am I going to do with Hands Off, My Loots! since I’m no longer a Ninja?

That’s a good question…and actually the reason I haven’t been posting for so long…trying to figure that out has been a pain.  I want to keep the same humorous/asshattery feel as I’ve always had…but realize I no longer have Ninjaing as a way to get those yummy Tears.

Why don’t you go ninja from time to time, you say?  Well..truthfully, I haven’t had fun doing it in a while…the amount of effort it was taking to find people and get them to shoot just got old on me, so I don’t have any desire to do it in my ‘spare’ time (as if I have any with all my alts doing crap).

As a result, the blog will lose it’s “Only Ninja Stuff” theme and become more of a repository for the general asshattery I get up to these days.  Infiltration, scamming, killing sucky people in Nullsec, etc.  I will try my hardest to get lovely Tears out here in Null (it’s possible), and I’m sure the recruitment channel will bring quite a few drops to the bucket as well.  Though, from time to time, those industrialists out there might even get a nice update on what I’m doing on that side of my accounts…maybe.

———-

And that’s about it for now…though, if anyone has any ideas on stuff they’d like to see me talk about (custom requests, wtf?) or try to accomplish that would result in a funny ass blog post…let me know, I’d love to cater my asshattedness to special projects of interest to readers.

———-

Oh, one last thing…I’m gonna try and get the rest of the Toys to quit slacking…I’ve only been active for 2-3 months and I’m already the alltime killer on the boards…what gives peeps?

I recently posted my opinion of someone else’s idea on how to get Ninjas to go away.  I’ve gotten some feedback via comments (and some Tears…that you Mr. Crybaby Anonymous Poster), one of which was rather excellent…and lead to this post.  Eve SOB over at Eve SOB said:

OUTCH! So Mr. Ninja, in a world reversed how would YOU deal with Ninja salvager who decided to loot?!?! Take a moment if you can to account how it would be if you were some how a mission running corp. and had some one like yourself to deal with.  I’d be interested if you could write a counter to your perfect methods to extract tears.

I am of the opinion that the majority of the people I prey on do not read forums or blogs (if they do, shame on them for falling for the same old tricks over and over again)…so I don’t feel that anything I post here will in any way hurt my ‘business’…hence the reason I’m posting it.  So, I hope all you carebears enjoy reading about how to avoid/get rid of a Ninja…from the viewpoint of a Ninja!

———-

Rule #1: Have Fun

Before I get into all the nitty gritty of this post, I’d just like to state (as I have on multiple occasions) that EVE is a game.  It is meant to be fun.  If that means you like to shoot NPCs, other people, pirates, be a pirate, trade, manufacture, Ninja Salvage, steal loot, any/all of the above…then more power to you.  I choose to have fun in this game by taking peoples stuff and then making fun of them.  I don’t do this in real life (no matter what you big meanies think ), but I enjoy it in game.  So, whatever you do…have fun!  And in my point of view…when a Ninja enters your mission…then fun can begin!

Rule #2: Be Nice

I know it’s hard for some people to do, but it really (REALLY) helps.  When I warp into your mission, I have two things on my mind.  First, I want you to shoot at me.  Second, I want you to whine when I take your shit.  To fully understand this, you have to get the “Big Picture” of what Tears are.  Tears are not just whining.  Tears are: whining, foul language, shooting your wrecks, dropping can labeled ‘fuck off’, evemailing me about how you are going to skullfuck my grandmother (yes…true story…lol), and pretty much anything other than simply ignoring me or being polite.  If you acknowledge my presence in any manner that is not courteous and polite, then I consider the flowing of Tears to have begun.

Some people don’t agree with me on this, but I don’t care…each Ninja has their own idea of Tears, and most carebears do too.  Ours tend to be a little more broad than theirs.

So, the first step is very simple.  Be polite.  If you convo me and tell me you’ll pay me 1 Million ISK to leave, without threatening me or being a smart ass, I will leave…I swear I will.  If you convo me and start a friendly conversation, I will most likely stop looting/salvaging and orbit your ship while we talk.  Please note not every Ninja does this, I do, and I know many that do…but just like any ‘community’ not everyone is the same and I can’t speak for all of us.

I have a personal blue list, and those that are polite to me get added to it…and I don’t ever bother them again.  Those that provide excellent Tears?…they get added to my ‘To-Do’ list.

Rule #3: We are NOT invincible

Yes, if you shoot me, and then stay in your mission…I am most likely going to come back in something bigger and destroy you.  BUT…use your brain.  Check my age, check local for my friends, etc…if you have the advantage…USE IT!

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve warped into a mission where 4-5 people from the same corp are doing a mission.  All of them have drones, all of them are in battleships…and I’m flashy red to every one of them.  Do they shoot?…no, they don’t.  If you have overwhelming odds…please, fucking blow me up!  I’m not going to come back in my gank ship when I know there are 5 of you (most times).  If I have friends around, I might come back with Remote Repair assistance, but they aren’t going to keep me alive facing 5 enemies.

If you have balls, and kill me (especially in my gank ship) I will most likely not bother you again.

Rule #4: Don’t Shoot the Logistics Pilot

In Rule #3 above I mentioned having some Remote Repair help.  For the love of all things sacred…please don’t shoot them.  They can fly a gank ship too…and once you shoot them…guess what they are going to go get?

Rule #5: Don’t mission in mission hubs

This one is pretty straight forward.  Ninja target systems that are high in mission traffic.  So go find you an out of the way system that isn’t very busy, and you’ll have a MUCH less likely chance of being one of our victims.

Rule #6: Pay Us

I don’t honor ransoms, some ninja do.  Why don’t I?  Because ransoms are not part of my income, they are a bonus.  I don’t care if I hurt my rep and people don’t pay me ransoms anymore (plus, like I said…the people that will pay one don’t read blogs/forums/etc…so they won’t know my rep).  However, I can guarantee you 100% that if I tell you that you can pay me a small ‘protection fee’…then you can be damned sure you are now blue to me and I won’t be in your missions anymore.  This is because it’s free ISK for me…I get money for not bothering you…it’s a Win Win.

Also, don’t be afraid to offer me this type of transaction either.  Sure, you’ll have to pay a bit…but I can guarantee my fee is less than what you’ll lose in salvage from me.

Rule #7: Don’t let me have fun

This is probably the easiest one here.  If you shoot me, it’s fun.  If you suicide me, it’s fun.  Evemail me death threats…fun.  Pop your wrecks…fun.  Etc, etc, etc…fun, fun, fun.  Look at Rule #1.  Do you think I’m gonna stay around if I’m not having fun?

Bonus Tip:

You can make a few ships unscanable.  It will hurt your tank, but using ECCM modules you can get your signature strength higher than your sig radius.  When this happens…you can NEVER be scanned down.  Don’t ask me which ones, I don’t know…use google…I just know it can be done.

Now, it’s late, and I’m tired, so I’ll end this post here, before I start rambling incoherently.  If some of this doesn’t make sense, you want more detailed info, or you simply have any ideas you’d like to ask me about whether they would help avoid ninjas or not, I’m always open to discussion…because I like to talk.  Comment here, or email me at cyberineve @ gmail.com, or make a response via you blog…whatever.

Notice: All Ninjas are not created equal, so sometimes these things will work, and sometimes they won’t.  The only way to be 100% safe from a ninja is to make your ship unscannable.  Other than that…it hangs on the threads of fate.

———-

p.s…Rule # 3.5: Don’t Shoot Ninjas

Rule #3 says to shoot us if you have overwhelming odds.  Please do so, as you’ll have fun.  But if it’s just you, or you and some other noob friends.  Don’t shoot us.  We will kill you.  And if you shoot us and then dock…we will stay in your mission, extend aggro, and wait for you to either come back, or log.  I have personally killed people over 2 HOURS after they shot at me…it can happen.

If you want to fight us, then please…by all means shoot.  But if you don’t want to lose your ship…you shouldn’t have undocked in the first place.

———-

p.p.s…@ Eve SOB…did I miss anything?  Anything else you’d like me to talk about/mention that you might be wondering about?

Ok, I can’t explain how stupid I think this idea is in a few words, so I have to respond with my own post.  Astral, over at Eve Trial by Fire, just posted an idea about how to mess with ninja salvagers.  And…since I’m rather experienced on the topic…I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it’s a fucking horrible plan…as well as pointless.

Isk is usually a side-effect of Ninjaing…it’s not a goal.  Our goal is Tears, and kills, and kill mails…so read on…

Recently I have been thinking about running a small sideline buisness in eve..now bear with me, because I havent trried this yet so im not 100% sure it would work, but if it does, it would be a fun way to piss off ninja salvagers.

This would not piss us off, it would make us laugh (specially when you fail…because I can guarantee you’ll never manage to kill a ninja that knows what he’s doing before concord pops you).  I’d also thank you for providing me with a killmail since I’ll shoot you before concord blows you up and whore the killmail for myself. (as will many other ninjas)

I would pick a region know for ninja’s, then advertise my “anti ninja service” for 10 mill a mission, if anyone decides they want me i buy a cheap t1 frig insured (a punisher most likely), fit it for speed and DPS then get them to fleet me so I can warp straight to them.

Another error here.  Do don’t fit suicide ships for DPS, you fit them for max alpha…which is why a frigate wouldn’t work.  Concord shows up quick enough that you won’t have a chance to do many volleys…therefor one big volley is normally better than one small volley.

I would then sit by a station away from the fleet while they run the mission..should a ninja show up, i get them to lock him (stop’s them cloaking) and get within 20 km i then warp in drop fleet and pop them before Concord pops me..basicly a suiside gank with morals!

A suicide gank with morals?  Really?  This is a game, and Ninja Salvaging is an approved profession…nothing wrong is going on technically…so there is not moral issue.

As most of the ships people use to ninja have paper thin tanks I think I could pull this off, while it would cost me about 3-4 mill a time (i’d use good guns) i could be popping ninja’s saving the mission runners 2-3 times that, and if im poping covert ops ships with nice probe launcher’s ..it will really upset them.
you could even offer 5 mill back if your not needed and make 5 mill for nothing..

This will not save anyone anything…except a mission runner wasting their isk for you to die, and if you succeed…for the Ninja to simple dock up, grab another ship, and go back to the mission knowing you can’t undock for another 15 minutes.

And popping Sisters Launchers?  If you manage to do that, then you have found a noob…not a ninja.  Ninjas do not salvage with their scan ships.

If anyone has tried this or has any veiws or advive id love to hear from you as i think this would be a LOT of fun and am seriously thinking about giving it a go next week.

I agree, this will be a LOT of fun.  I get free kill mails, I get to watch someone pointlessly kill themselves, and I get to salvage their wreck.  All the while knowing the Mission Runner paid 10 Mil Isk to watch it happen.

Seriously man, throw this plan in the garbage and realize you can’t do anything to a ninja to piss them off…we are pretty immune to caring about our ships dieing

I’m surprised Aiden hasn’t made a post about it yet, but I’d just like to congratulate him publically on his promotion to Samurai Grand Master.

I’m sad to see Velocity Prime give up the reigns as CEO, it just seems weird calling Aiden my boss now, lol.  I’ve been with Suddenly Ninjas for a while now, off and on of course…and out of all this time Aiden is probably one of the ‘closest’ friends I’ve made in game so far.  I know I can always count on him when needed…and I’m 110% sure that he will do awesome things for the Ninjas and TEARS.

As to VP…well, I’m glad you’ll be staying in game man, and although you won’t be around much, most of us are already used to that lol.  I wish you very good luck and happiness with your new family addition.  If it gets too much to handle, remember…parachute chord, a chair, duct tape, and a closet works wonders for stress management.

Things are changing for the Ninjas…it’s new, it’s exciting, and you damn well better believe you are going to be hearing a lot more from us soon!

Well, I’ve been off quite a bit due to the Holidays…haven’t gotten any time in recently to work on my security status, so it is still sitting at -7.5…good ways to go before I can get back to Dodixie and Ninja it up with the rest of the family.

I’ve got at least 3 decent posts in the works that I’m still working the kinks out of, so look forward to those in the near future…but for this post…I figured I’d do what’s customary for this time of year…Resolutions for the upcoming set of 365 days!

1. Become a sort of diplomat for the Ninjas…and talk with some 0.0 Alliances to possibly work out some blue standings to work on sec status in relative safety for some major hi-sec ganking opportunities.  People have been bitching about being killed enough lately that i figure we need to step up our game…these are epic tears just waiting to be captured!
2. Break 10 Billion ISK in networth…who can’t use more ISK?
3. Get my learning skills done (almost there actually…yay!)
4. Piss some people off, and listen to them whine

All in all, pretty simple set of resolutions for now…I’m easy like that and prefer not to set any goals that might let me down too quickly!

So, Happy New Year!  And may the Tears flow!