Hands Off, My Loots!

I recently posted my opinion of someone else’s idea on how to get Ninjas to go away.  I’ve gotten some feedback via comments (and some Tears…that you Mr. Crybaby Anonymous Poster), one of which was rather excellent…and lead to this post.  Eve SOB over at Eve SOB said:

OUTCH! So Mr. Ninja, in a world reversed how would YOU deal with Ninja salvager who decided to loot?!?! Take a moment if you can to account how it would be if you were some how a mission running corp. and had some one like yourself to deal with.  I’d be interested if you could write a counter to your perfect methods to extract tears.

I am of the opinion that the majority of the people I prey on do not read forums or blogs (if they do, shame on them for falling for the same old tricks over and over again)…so I don’t feel that anything I post here will in any way hurt my ‘business’…hence the reason I’m posting it.  So, I hope all you carebears enjoy reading about how to avoid/get rid of a Ninja…from the viewpoint of a Ninja!

———-

Rule #1: Have Fun

Before I get into all the nitty gritty of this post, I’d just like to state (as I have on multiple occasions) that EVE is a game.  It is meant to be fun.  If that means you like to shoot NPCs, other people, pirates, be a pirate, trade, manufacture, Ninja Salvage, steal loot, any/all of the above…then more power to you.  I choose to have fun in this game by taking peoples stuff and then making fun of them.  I don’t do this in real life (no matter what you big meanies think ), but I enjoy it in game.  So, whatever you do…have fun!  And in my point of view…when a Ninja enters your mission…then fun can begin!

Rule #2: Be Nice

I know it’s hard for some people to do, but it really (REALLY) helps.  When I warp into your mission, I have two things on my mind.  First, I want you to shoot at me.  Second, I want you to whine when I take your shit.  To fully understand this, you have to get the “Big Picture” of what Tears are.  Tears are not just whining.  Tears are: whining, foul language, shooting your wrecks, dropping can labeled ‘fuck off’, evemailing me about how you are going to skullfuck my grandmother (yes…true story…lol), and pretty much anything other than simply ignoring me or being polite.  If you acknowledge my presence in any manner that is not courteous and polite, then I consider the flowing of Tears to have begun.

Some people don’t agree with me on this, but I don’t care…each Ninja has their own idea of Tears, and most carebears do too.  Ours tend to be a little more broad than theirs.

So, the first step is very simple.  Be polite.  If you convo me and tell me you’ll pay me 1 Million ISK to leave, without threatening me or being a smart ass, I will leave…I swear I will.  If you convo me and start a friendly conversation, I will most likely stop looting/salvaging and orbit your ship while we talk.  Please note not every Ninja does this, I do, and I know many that do…but just like any ‘community’ not everyone is the same and I can’t speak for all of us.

I have a personal blue list, and those that are polite to me get added to it…and I don’t ever bother them again.  Those that provide excellent Tears?…they get added to my ‘To-Do’ list.

Rule #3: We are NOT invincible

Yes, if you shoot me, and then stay in your mission…I am most likely going to come back in something bigger and destroy you.  BUT…use your brain.  Check my age, check local for my friends, etc…if you have the advantage…USE IT!

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve warped into a mission where 4-5 people from the same corp are doing a mission.  All of them have drones, all of them are in battleships…and I’m flashy red to every one of them.  Do they shoot?…no, they don’t.  If you have overwhelming odds…please, fucking blow me up!  I’m not going to come back in my gank ship when I know there are 5 of you (most times).  If I have friends around, I might come back with Remote Repair assistance, but they aren’t going to keep me alive facing 5 enemies.

If you have balls, and kill me (especially in my gank ship) I will most likely not bother you again.

Rule #4: Don’t Shoot the Logistics Pilot

In Rule #3 above I mentioned having some Remote Repair help.  For the love of all things sacred…please don’t shoot them.  They can fly a gank ship too…and once you shoot them…guess what they are going to go get?

Rule #5: Don’t mission in mission hubs

This one is pretty straight forward.  Ninja target systems that are high in mission traffic.  So go find you an out of the way system that isn’t very busy, and you’ll have a MUCH less likely chance of being one of our victims.

Rule #6: Pay Us

I don’t honor ransoms, some ninja do.  Why don’t I?  Because ransoms are not part of my income, they are a bonus.  I don’t care if I hurt my rep and people don’t pay me ransoms anymore (plus, like I said…the people that will pay one don’t read blogs/forums/etc…so they won’t know my rep).  However, I can guarantee you 100% that if I tell you that you can pay me a small ‘protection fee’…then you can be damned sure you are now blue to me and I won’t be in your missions anymore.  This is because it’s free ISK for me…I get money for not bothering you…it’s a Win Win.

Also, don’t be afraid to offer me this type of transaction either.  Sure, you’ll have to pay a bit…but I can guarantee my fee is less than what you’ll lose in salvage from me.

Rule #7: Don’t let me have fun

This is probably the easiest one here.  If you shoot me, it’s fun.  If you suicide me, it’s fun.  Evemail me death threats…fun.  Pop your wrecks…fun.  Etc, etc, etc…fun, fun, fun.  Look at Rule #1.  Do you think I’m gonna stay around if I’m not having fun?

Bonus Tip:

You can make a few ships unscanable.  It will hurt your tank, but using ECCM modules you can get your signature strength higher than your sig radius.  When this happens…you can NEVER be scanned down.  Don’t ask me which ones, I don’t know…use google…I just know it can be done.

Now, it’s late, and I’m tired, so I’ll end this post here, before I start rambling incoherently.  If some of this doesn’t make sense, you want more detailed info, or you simply have any ideas you’d like to ask me about whether they would help avoid ninjas or not, I’m always open to discussion…because I like to talk.  Comment here, or email me at cyberineve @ gmail.com, or make a response via you blog…whatever.

Notice: All Ninjas are not created equal, so sometimes these things will work, and sometimes they won’t.  The only way to be 100% safe from a ninja is to make your ship unscannable.  Other than that…it hangs on the threads of fate.

———-

p.s…Rule # 3.5: Don’t Shoot Ninjas

Rule #3 says to shoot us if you have overwhelming odds.  Please do so, as you’ll have fun.  But if it’s just you, or you and some other noob friends.  Don’t shoot us.  We will kill you.  And if you shoot us and then dock…we will stay in your mission, extend aggro, and wait for you to either come back, or log.  I have personally killed people over 2 HOURS after they shot at me…it can happen.

If you want to fight us, then please…by all means shoot.  But if you don’t want to lose your ship…you shouldn’t have undocked in the first place.

———-

p.p.s…@ Eve SOB…did I miss anything?  Anything else you’d like me to talk about/mention that you might be wondering about?

Wow…just wow. What you are about to read is probably the best I’ve ever done with a single target. While there are a bit of tears, it is mostly filled with stupid losses, more ISK than brains, and in the end…the transformation of a stubborn miner (or…0.0 alt…whichever way you want to believe) into a pacified customer looking for a few new ships.

You met him in my last post, but here and now, you are going to hear the wonderful story of Kiernance…mighty pvp miner!

After I killed piro95’s vexor like you learned earlier, I saw this in local…which of course got the ball rolling on this whole event.

[ 2010.03.13 05:04:33 ] Kiernance > i gonna go flip you can cyberin
[ 2010.03.13 05:04:40 ] Cyberin > ok
[ 2010.03.13 05:04:47 ] Kiernance > k

Really? Sweet. At this point, I’m thinking he want’s to gank me because I stole his ore earlier. In a little while, I actually find out that he’s just bored and wants to throw away some ISK.

[ 2010.03.13 05:04:59 ] piro95 > your orca is death kiernance
[ 2010.03.13 05:05:10 ] piro95 > watch you backs
[ 2010.03.13 05:05:19 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:06:00 ] piro95 > yes are you sure to take them luck
[ 2010.03.13 05:06:04 ] piro95 > i chit
[ 2010.03.13 05:06:16 ] piro95 > may at your place i reflex
[ 2010.03.13 05:06:27 ] piro95 > i not take them at your place
[ 2010.03.13 05:06:44 ] piro95 > lol you docked
[ 2010.03.13 05:07:05 ] piro95 > because you not good to figth with your frind
[ 2010.03.13 05:07:08 ] piro95 > cyberin
[ 2010.03.13 05:07:20 ] Kiernance > ok
[ 2010.03.13 05:07:30 ] Cyberin > i’m docked? i’m still in the belt…

I couldn’t help but leave that part in there…if you can figure out what piro is babbling on about…more power to ya.

[ 2010.03.13 05:11:44 ] Cyberin > lol, you’re gonna loot my can in that Kier?
[ 2010.03.13 05:11:49 ] Kiernance > yep
[ 2010.03.13 05:11:56 ] Kiernance > lmao

This is about the time that I yell in corp chat that I am about to have corp agro on a Navy Dominix…yes, you read that right. Luckily…the guys in corp are all of a sudden interested .

[ 2010.03.13 05:05:05 ] Cyberin > anyone near Caretyn, might have corp aggro in a sec…
[ 2010.03.13 05:11:18 ] Cyberin > um…possible corp aggro on a navy domy…
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:09 ] Hallax > where are you again?
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:30 ] Cyberin > Caretyn
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:33 ] Cyberin > can anyone get here?
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:38 ] Cyberin > i’m gonna try and stall him
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:48 ] Hallax > do you need RR or pew?
[ 2010.03.13 05:12:52 ] Hallax > im on the way with the raven
[ 2010.03.13 05:13:03 ] Hallax > 3j
[ 2010.03.13 05:13:16 ] Cyberin > anyone else?
[ 2010.03.13 05:13:16 ] Karma Bad > other end of eve from me
[ 2010.03.13 05:13:56 ] Hallax > fleet?
[ 2010.03.13 05:14:27 ] Cyberin > you have leadership skills?
[ 2010.03.13 05:15:15 ] Cyberin > no one else want in on a navy dommy kill
[ 2010.03.13 05:15:56 ] Onilan > I’m omw
[ 2010.03.13 05:16:10 ] Onilan > 3j
[ 2010.03.13 05:16:17 ] Cyberin > hurry, he’s red

Mr. PvP Miner is going to agro me, a rather notorious Ninja…in a 550 Million ISK ship (750mil with the fit actually). Anyone that knows anything knows that it’s not smart to shoot ninjas. Specially since as you see later, he says he’s a null sec guy and this is just an alt…he should know better…but he doesn’t.

[ 2010.03.13 05:17:17 ] Cyberin > this is a tough decision…lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:17:20 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:19:13 ] Kiernance > all you got to do is shoot
[ 2010.03.13 05:19:30 ] Kiernance > it is just a spray painted domi
[ 2010.03.13 05:19:30 ] Cyberin > i know…but…it’s kina suicide…
[ 2010.03.13 05:19:39 ] Kiernance > nothin special

Lets have a talk Kier if you don’t mind. I need time for the Torp fitted Gank Raven that Hallax is flying, and Onilan’s Rupture to get here, they need a little more time please. Thanks!

Now, this is normally pretty top secret stuff…but I’m gonna let you read what the chat log of a quickly thrown together Ninja Gank Squad looks like. Hope you enjoy!

[ 2010.03.13 05:19:56 ] Cyberin > warp to me
[ 2010.03.13 05:19:57 ] Hallax > you pointed him?
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:05 ] Hallax > omw
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:14 ] Cyberin > no, gonna wait till you get here…he’s not aligned
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:19 ] Hallax > k
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:21 ] Onilan > will be on Caretyn gate in 30s
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:31 ] Hallax > ok just come on when you get here
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:33 ] Hallax > i’m incoming
[ 2010.03.13 05:20:36 ] Onilan > rgr
[ 2010.03.13 05:21:25 ] Cyberin > point him if you can
[ 2010.03.13 05:21:33 ] Onilan > here I come to ruin your dayy… ruppy mouse is on the waaaay
[ 2010.03.13 05:21:33 ] Cyberin > neuting me
[ 2010.03.13 05:21:41 ] Hallax > kill his drones
[ 2010.03.13 05:22:13 ] Hallax > this guy is dead
[ 2010.03.13 05:22:27 ] Hallax > hurry up oni
[ 2010.03.13 05:22:58 ] Hallax > try to get a ransom
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:04 ] Hallax > we’ll kill him anyway
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:29 ] Cyberin > he wants a ransom
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:35 ] Cyberin > how much are they worth?
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:40 ] Hallax > a LOT
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:50 ] Hallax > like 500m
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:51 ] Cyberin > hold fire
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:54 ] Cyberin > keep him pointed
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:07 ] Onilan > yrp
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:09 ] Cyberin > lemme scan him
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:38 ] Hallax > i’m out of cap charges
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:51 ] Onilan > got a point and a small neut on him
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:06 ] Cyberin > 550mil on contracts
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:15 ] Cyberin > and, are we gonna honor this or not? i don’t care either way
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:21 ] Hallax > i dont want to
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:24 ] Hallax > i want the KM
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:24 ] Onilan > up to yall
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:25 ] Hallax > oni?
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:33 ] Hallax > uber tears
[ 2010.03.13 05:25:39 ] Onilan > >:)
[ 2010.03.13 05:26:38 ] Hallax > did you get it?
[ 2010.03.13 05:26:46 ] Cyberin > not yet
[ 2010.03.13 05:26:50 ] Cyberin > he’s not faction fit or anything
[ 2010.03.13 05:26:57 ] Hallax > i dont care
[ 2010.03.13 05:27:01 ] Cyberin > so if you guys don’t care, i say we blow him up after he pays
[ 2010.03.13 05:27:02 ] Hallax > that’s a bitch ass killmail
[ 2010.03.13 05:27:07 ] Hallax > yep
[ 2010.03.13 05:27:10 ] Onilan > indeed
[ 2010.03.13 05:28:48 ] Cyberin > he’s gonna pay, still waiting for wallet to flash
[ 2010.03.13 05:28:53 ] Onilan > ah
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:04 ] Cyberin > get a point on him oni
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:11 ] Onilan > got it
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:13 ] Cyberin > you aggroed?
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:16 ] Cyberin > i mean lazy
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:18 ] Cyberin > sorry
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:28 ] Onilan > np
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:30 ] Lazy Eyeh > yep
[ 2010.03.13 05:29:32 ] Cyberin > kill him
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:35 ] Hallax > Federation Navy Stasis Webifier
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:39 ] Hallax > yummy
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:48 ] Cyberin > ooh
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:52 ] Cyberin > didn’t see that
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:53 ] Hallax > rendezvous in dixie then?
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:02 ] Onilan > Warp Disruptor II
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:09 ] Onilan > not too bad for 10m work
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:19 ] Cyberin > you guys wanna throw all the loot in the orca and i’ll split it up after i price it all?
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:26 ] Hallax > sure
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:40 ] Lazy Eyeh > sweet….thanks for letting me on that killmail
[ 2010.03.13 05:31:43 ] Cyberin > just throw it in the corp hanger and i’ll split it up tomorrw
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:02 ] Hallax > which division?
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:06 ] Cyberin > what do you guys want to do about the iskies for lazy since he didn’t really help that much? throw him some, or a full share?
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:10 ] Cyberin > any divisino is fine
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:19 ] Lazy Eyeh > nah I don’t need anything
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:31 ] Cyberin > okies
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:50 ] Hallax > ok fed web is in the hangar
[ 2010.03.13 05:32:54 ] Onilan > Home, james
[ 2010.03.13 05:33:01 ] Cyberin > wow, this was a fun night
[ 2010.03.13 05:33:07 ] Cyberin > this is gonna be an awesome blog post

This next part is out of order now because of that fleet chat, but pretend you didn’t read that, and this happens before we blow him up, but after we get him, and hold him, in structure. I’d also like to point out, that after you see the fit…you might wonder why he kept all his high slots trained on me…the noob in the rifter, rather than the two other people. He could have capped them out and escaped…but didn’t. Reason…he’s…not…an…alt.

[ 2010.03.13 05:23:15 ] Cyberin > up for a ransom?
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:20 ] Kiernance > yea
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:30 ] Kiernance > good play
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:42 ] Cyberin > pull in drones and stop fireing
[ 2010.03.13 05:23:46 ] Kiernance > done
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:23 ] Cyberin > stand by one sec, lemme discuss the price i want with my corp
[ 2010.03.13 05:24:55 ] Kiernance > k
[ 2010.03.13 05:26:03 ] Cyberin > how’s 400 mil sound?

Just to point out…this guy was flashy red to me and my corp, sitting in a belt, not aligned, not moving, with no drones out, didn’t have me locked…for 6 minutes. 6 minutes to warp out because I didn’t have him pointed. 6 minutes to warp out because he realized I was stalling because he’s an experienced null sec guy that should know this. 6 minutes to warp out because he realized he’s being a fucking idiot. 6 minutes to sit there, and lose a 750 Million ISK ship for no reason…sadly, I was too busy during the fight to grab a screenshot.

I waited for both my corp mates to get outside the system, and he still wasn’t aligned. I told them to jump in and align to belt, he still didn’t align. I told them to warp to me, and did not turn on my Warp Scrambler until they LANDED IN THE BELT WITH ME. So much for checking your directional scanner. These are more reasons I think this guy is not an alt…I think they are good reasons.

[ 2010.03.13 05:30:08 ] Cyberin > CAREBEAR STARE!!!
[ 2010.03.13 05:30:29 ] Hallax > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL
[ 2010.03.13 05:38:09 ] Kiernance > don’t spend it all in one place or blow it on exotic dancers
[ 2010.03.13 05:38:34 ] Kiernance > lmao
[ 2010.03.13 05:38:46 ] Cyberin > i’ll try to not buy too many

You pirates will cringe. But, well…I’m not a pirate…and dishonoring ransoms doesn’t hurt me in anyway because the people I prey on are too idiotic to think about it, and because I don’t care that much about the ISK anyway. We discussed it in fleet chat, and decided we would like to have the killmail, and to teach him a little bit of a harder lesson. So we blew the shit out of him…he melted like butter. We even let another corpy that was close by get in system to get on the killmail, though he didn’t get a share of the loot since he didn’t really help…us ninjas are greedy like that! (actually, I offered, but he told us to keep it).

[ 2010.03.13 05:39:05 ] Cyberin > i can’t believe you actually were dumb enough to shoot a ninja in that thing…
[ 2010.03.13 05:39:05 ] Kiernance > k
[ 2010.03.13 05:39:10 ] Cyberin > haven’t you ever heard of our corp, or read our blogs?
[ 2010.03.13 05:39:16 ] Kiernance > i was bored
[ 2010.03.13 05:39:32 ] Cyberin > ah, yes…losing 500mil isk ships when bored is a smart idea
[ 2010.03.13 05:40:48 ] Kiernance > this is an alt
[ 2010.03.13 05:41:04 ] Kiernance > so what ever lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:43:40 ] Cyberin > if you’d like, you can just give me any moer ships you don’t want, or iskies, etc…
[ 2010.03.13 05:44:32 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:46:47 ] Kiernance > naw i will just go back to what i was doin good luck hope that made your dick hard
[ 2010.03.13 05:46:56 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:48:03 ] Cyberin > it did…thanks

He quit his corp a little later…not sure why.

[ 2010.03.13 06:06:05 ] Cyberin > why the corp quit Kier?
[ 2010.03.13 06:10:02 ] Kiernance > different reasons
[ 2010.03.13 06:11:20 ] Kiernance > i actually quit yesteday lol
[ 2010.03.13 06:11:56 ] Cyberin > ah, waiting for roles i guess?
[ 2010.03.13 06:13:28 ] ecnanreiK > yea
[ 2010.03.13 06:13:34 ] ecnanreiK > lol
[ 2010.03.13 06:13:54 ] Cyberin > oops
[ 2010.03.13 06:13:56 ] Kiernance > me too..
[ 2010.03.13 06:14:17 ] Kiernance > that is one my alts too
[ 2010.03.13 06:14:19 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 06:14:34 ] Cyberin > lol, kinda figured
[ 2010.03.13 06:14:41 ] Kiernance > empire mining alts
[ 2010.03.13 06:16:06 ] Cyberin > null mining alts would make more
[ 2010.03.13 06:17:44 ] Kiernance > they would get killed atm
[ 2010.03.13 06:18:16 ] Cyberin > Onilan says thanx for his new Dramiel btw, he asked me to pass that along
[ 2010.03.13 06:20:13 ] Kiernance > k

I can’t really respond to that…that’s about as good as it gets. Or is it?

Herr Wilkus is known for 2 things mostly within our alliance. He runs our investment program, and he kills Hulks…lots of them…

He answer my evemail, and was excited to help me out. So, while the chat logs are rather dry…and there are actually no real tears from Kiernance about the whole issue…it was a fun, and eventful morning/afternoon for me.

I wasn’t content with just taking his Domi, and his 400mil ISK. I wanted his hulk. After about an hour or so of planning, scouting, and moving his ship into position with my help, Herr Wilkus destroyed Kiernance’s hulk with 1 volley, in an Ice Belt in a 0.7sec system, with dozens of mackinaws watching.

After Wilkus popped him, he sent the standard EVEMAIL he sends to all his victims.

chatlog
From: Herr Wilkus
Sent: 2010.03.13 21:51
To: Cyberin,

Kiernance > hi that was sneaky
Kiernance > lol
Herr Wilkus > Popping hulks is my hobby
Kiernance > so if pay you will stop this?
Herr Wilkus > yes, TEARS will set you light blue and you’ll be left alone.
Herr Wilkus > otherwise, we’ll be checking up on you again.
Kiernance > to you ?
Herr Wilkus > either me, or Velocity Prime, however if you pay Prime I cant confirm the transaction until he logs and contacts me.
Herr Wilkus > me, and I’ll have prime put you on the ‘no touch’ list.
Kiernance > k
Herr Wilkus > ok, got it. Glad to do business with you. I will write the email now, Prime should set you blue next time he comes online.

I almost cried…because now, since he paid (and is actually the first to ever actually pay that protection fee I think) you’ll get no more stories from me about him.

Channel Name: Private Chat (Kiernance)
Listener: Cyberin

[ 2010.03.13 22:04:56 ] Kiernance > so you will not aggress anymore
[ 2010.03.13 22:04:57 ] Kiernance > ?
[ 2010.03.13 22:05:31 ] Cyberin > correct
[ 2010.03.13 22:05:47 ] Cyberin > As a director in TEARS I can assure you you will not be messed with anymore
[ 2010.03.13 22:06:17 ] Kiernance > well just watchout with that orca someone will spot it and gank that ..lol
[ 2010.03.13 22:06:23 ] Cyberin > the next 24 hours might be iffy until VP gets on to set you blue, but if something happens in that time please let me know and I will reimburse you
[ 2010.03.13 22:06:37 ] Kiernance > the alts orca that hang out with you guys
[ 2010.03.13 22:06:51 ] Kiernance > someone other than me
[ 2010.03.13 22:06:57 ] Cyberin > it’s insured, and it’ll give me kill rights…and it was free, so i wouldn’t care lol
[ 2010.03.13 22:07:04 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 22:07:25 ] Cyberin > plus i watch local, if i see a few BSes coming near me i’m out
[ 2010.03.13 22:07:47 ] Kiernance > yea good thing those things suck balls movin around
[ 2010.03.13 22:09:20 ] Kiernance > well i wont mess with you guys anymore
[ 2010.03.13 22:09:27 ] Cyberin > that they do, but when they are tanked…it takes a lot to kill the,
[ 2010.03.13 22:09:34 ] Kiernance > hopefully you wont mess with me
[ 2010.03.13 22:09:47 ] Cyberin > I hope not, if you mess with us the standings will be reset
[ 2010.03.13 22:09:56 ] Cyberin > I can guarantee you will not be messed with though
[ 2010.03.13 22:10:08 ] Kiernance > k gtg cya

Oh, and for anyone wondering how my rampage through the Caretyn system worked for the locals.  When I left for work that day…there were no cans in the belts, and no less than 7 people in iterons mining directly into their holds. 2 of them were from piro95’s corp.

Ok, this was a hard decision to split this post and the next one up into two. Because although it all happened within 24 hours or so, the exchanges I had between the 3 people (2 are related, the other is a separate person all together) took place in a weird fashion that ended up making some of one persons story happen in the middle of the other ones time wise, and it would have just been extremely confusing to explain it all in one post, not to mention the length that post would have been. So, this post will be about the first 2 individuals (mostly concentrating on 1 of them…the 2nd guy was just involved because he was a corp mate of the idiot), and the 3rd, not related person…will be in the next post.

If you want the short version, ignore the chat logs, and read only my comments…that should work as a short version, though…the chat logs are rather humorous.

———-

It started out like a lot of the other things I’ve talked about recently…a long time ago…in a universe far far away…I was can-flipping.

I happened upon 3 people in the same corp, all in retrievers (I think, it’s a little hazy). With 2 cans of ore just sitting by them. So, I flipped the cans, and warped in the Orca.

I had so much going on with new applicatants to Suddenly Ninjas, chatting in corp, fapping, etc that I’m not 100% sure how it all started, but I think it was something like me going in and out of the belt, multiple times, stealing their ore over and over and over…In the end I had over 80,000m3 of their ore. One time, they tried to be smart and grab the ore out of my can before I could load it in the orca. I wasn’t expecting it, and since they had prealigned…warped to station before I could lock them. They then spent the next 15 minutes docked sadly….and we repeated the process, except I locked them every time I saw them now and they lost their nerve.

[ 2010.03.13 03:23:38 ] Kiernance > yea run away bitch
[ 2010.03.13 03:23:55 ] Cyberin > no reason to stay if you won’t shoot

This guy…is the 3rd guy I will talk about in my next post, this happened in the same local chat though, so I thought I’d give you an early introduction to him. I met him while I was waiting for these other guys to mine more ore for me, he was in the belt closest to them. I grabbed his ore and then headed back to them to get theirs…he took that as me being a scared bitch…even though I sat next to him with his drones out for a few minutes and he did nothing. Later….in the next post…he will do MUCH more than nothing.

[ 2010.03.13 03:46:27 ] Cyberin > so, have we learned our lesson everyone? don’t jetcan mine? anyone else want to give me their ore?
[ 2010.03.13 03:52:57 ] Kiernance > yea i want to mine for you some mroe
[ 2010.03.13 04:49:54 ] Totoow > omgggggggggggggg cyrberin
[ 2010.03.13 04:49:56 ] Totoow > stopppp now
[ 2010.03.13 04:52:13 ] piro95 > you not good
[ 2010.03.13 04:52:15 ] piro95 > ein
[ 2010.03.13 04:52:44 ] piro95 > its a good bathle
[ 2010.03.13 04:53:46 ] Cyberin > if you say so

During the 23 minutes from the first log and the one above, I struck up a convo with piro95 (who is a world class idiot…really…just wonderful!). We had a long private convo about how I was a dirtbag and I got horny from taking peoples stuff and that I stole lollipops from babies in real life. Then, I finally convinced him to come fight me.

(note: from here on out, I had tons of convo’s with him and his corp mate in private chats, and local, off and on, over and over. For this reason, I’m just gonna put them all together in chronological order, and not really differentiate much between local and private chat, because it doesn’t really matter much)

[ 2010.03.13 03:24:27 ] Cyberin > bring that vexor back
[ 2010.03.13 03:25:33 ] piro95 > go at the station moon 18
[ 2010.03.13 03:25:36 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 03:25:41 ] piro95 > lets go
[ 2010.03.13 03:25:48 ] Cyberin > lol, why would i want to fight at a station so you can play docking games?
[ 2010.03.13 03:25:51 ] Cyberin > get real
[ 2010.03.13 03:26:04 ] piro95 > lets go
[ 2010.03.13 03:26:09 ] piro95 > you scar
[ 2010.03.13 03:26:10 ] Cyberin > then come on back
[ 2010.03.13 03:26:14 ] piro95 > you are scarry
[ 2010.03.13 03:26:42 ] Cyberin > better hurry if you’re coming, only got 3 mins left on aggro
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:09 ] piro95 > lets
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:11 ] piro95 > go
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:16 ] Cyberin > them come back to the belt
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:16 ] piro95 > go at the station
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:24 ] piro95 > why
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:26 ] Cyberin > i’m not fighting at a station so you can dock…
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:30 ] piro95 > your are cloacké
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:42 ] piro95 > i not go here
[ 2010.03.13 03:27:50 ] piro95 > because you are cloak
[ 2010.03.13 03:28:01 ] Cyberin > i’m not cloaked, i warped in right when you warped out
[ 2010.03.13 03:28:10 ] Cyberin > i’m here right now, not cloaked
[ 2010.03.13 03:28:13 ] Cyberin > 1 min left on agro

This is really my first experience with piro95. As you can tell…he has a way with words. I’m trying to get him to fight me after I see he went and got a Vexor…I happened to warp to station as he was docking in it.

[ 2010.03.13 04:19:17 ] Cyberin > ready to fight outside station yet?
[ 2010.03.13 04:19:24 ] piro95 > no
[ 2010.03.13 04:19:31 ] piro95 > why i fight whit you
[ 2010.03.13 04:19:42 ] Cyberin > i’ll leave ya alone if you win?
[ 2010.03.13 04:19:46 ] piro95 > i not fight with a novice
[ 2010.03.13 04:19:52 ] Cyberin > why not?
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:07 ] piro95 > no is not =
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:17 ] piro95 > i have a bc
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:28 ] piro95 > and you frigate
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:31 ] Cyberin > then bring it on, i just want to fight
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:35 ] Cyberin > i don’t mind if I lose
[ 2010.03.13 04:20:38 ] piro95 > and you played that one mounth
[ 2010.03.13 04:21:26 ] Cyberin > my ship is cheap, i don’t care if i die…if you win i’ll leave system and you guys can mine in peace, if not…i’ll just keep taking your ore
[ 2010.03.13 04:24:11 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 04:24:37 ] Cyberin > so you’ll fight?

So, now he has a battlecruiser. Even though I can tell he sucks, this worries me a bit…because, well…I’m less than a month old, and am in a rifter. Since he flies gallente…that tells me he’s probably in a Myrm…and that’s a lot of drones to kill on my own…so I throw out a request in corp chat…and no help comes.

[ 2010.03.13 04:24:53 ] Cyberin > anyone near Caretyn with RR, might be fighting this guy in his BC

Now we just go on some more about fighting each other. I’m still not sure if he’s going to, and where we’ll fight if he does…though I know I won’t be doing it at a station…that’s about the only thing that is for sure at the moment…so I don’t even know where to align my orca alt to in case I need a ship change.

[ 2010.03.13 04:25:38 ] piro95 > yes may not this time
[ 2010.03.13 04:25:48 ] Cyberin > what?
[ 2010.03.13 04:25:51 ] Cyberin > that makes no sense
[ 2010.03.13 04:25:59 ] Cyberin > you either fight now, or you don’t…there is no other time
[ 2010.03.13 04:26:16 ] piro95 > ok just one minute
[ 2010.03.13 04:26:22 ] piro95 > just one time
[ 2010.03.13 04:26:24 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 04:26:56 ] Cyberin > where at?
[ 2010.03.13 04:27:05 ] piro95 > at the planet
[ 2010.03.13 04:27:10 ] Cyberin > which planet?
[ 2010.03.13 04:27:19 ] piro95 > its your choice
[ 2010.03.13 04:27:35 ] piro95 > may you not comes with your friend

He knows the Orca is with me because I was using it to take their ore earlier. I was a little concerned he might not fight because of this (not to mention…it’s still sitting in the same belt, lol).

[ 2010.03.13 04:27:52 ] Cyberin > i won’t if you don’t bring yours
[ 2010.03.13 04:28:25 ] Cyberin > lets go to planet 7?
[ 2010.03.13 04:28:28 ] Cyberin > VII
[ 2010.03.13 04:31:05 ] piro95 > one time
[ 2010.03.13 04:31:08 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 04:31:11 ] Cyberin > ok
[ 2010.03.13 04:32:30 ] Cyberin > where are you?
[ 2010.03.13 04:32:48 ] piro95 > you are weard
[ 2010.03.13 04:32:56 ] piro95 > i am in the local
[ 2010.03.13 04:33:01 ] piro95 > check

At this point, he leaves local, so I assume he’s going to get his battlecruiser…so I wait by the gate to see what he comes back in, and played dumb in private convo wondering why he left system.

[ 2010.03.13 04:33:27 ] Cyberin > why did you leave?
[ 2010.03.13 04:33:30 ] Cyberin > you aren’t in system?
[ 2010.03.13 04:33:52 ] piro95 > no
[ 2010.03.13 04:33:55 ] piro95 > one time
[ 2010.03.13 04:33:59 ] piro95 > is not long
[ 2010.03.13 04:34:15 ] Cyberin > what are you talking about, yes…one time…lets fight…you have to be in system to fight…
[ 2010.03.13 04:36:01 ] Cyberin > i thought you said we were going to fight?
[ 2010.03.13 04:36:14 ] piro95 > yes i am ready
[ 2010.03.13 04:36:20 ] piro95 > im comming
[ 2010.03.13 04:36:37 ] Cyberin > had to go to other system to get ship?
[ 2010.03.13 04:38:00 ] piro95 > no check in the local
[ 2010.03.13 04:38:08 ] Cyberin > yeah, you left, and now you are back
[ 2010.03.13 04:39:25 ] Cyberin > i’m at planet VII
[ 2010.03.13 04:40:28 ] piro95 > ok

This is where I get scared. He came back in his battlecruiser. It’s not the Myrmidon I was expecting…it’s even worse! Wait for it…wait for it…A VEXOR!!! So, I have to mention it in corp chat for lols…and again, don’t get much response…everyone must be watching American Idol or something…

[ 2010.03.13 04:40:57 ] Cyberin > lol, this guy is in his Vexor Battlecruiser…
[ 2010.03.13 04:41:16 ] JordanParey > just put him out of his misery
[ 2010.03.13 04:41:29 ] Cyberin > i’m trying…he’s taking forever to come fight

Now, back to waiting for him to fight, wonder what he’s doing, etc, etc, etc…

[ 2010.03.13 04:42:18 ] Cyberin > ok, you coming? i’ve got a can out, when you get here drop one for you and we’ll both loot so we both get aggro before we start…that way it’ll be fair
[ 2010.03.13 04:44:21 ] Cyberin > dude…come one…what’s taking so long?
[ 2010.03.13 04:45:18 ] piro95 > can i scanne your ship
[ 2010.03.13 04:45:20 ] piro95 > please
[ 2010.03.13 04:45:37 ] Cyberin > no…you have a bigger ship than me, why would you need to scan me?
[ 2010.03.13 04:45:43 ] Cyberin > just come on
[ 2010.03.13 04:50:11 ] Cyberin > you gonna do this or what?

During the waiting, I head back to the original belt, and what do I find? His corp mates have learned from their mistakes? They don’t want to lose more than the 80,000m3 of ore I’ve already taken from them?…no…another can, so I take that too. This of course, gives him agro on me, and I find out this is why he was stalling, he didn’t want to take from my can. He immediately warps in to the belt (with me right next to my orca, no aligning needed…yay!) Turns out I didn’t need to switch ships though..as he never once let loose one drone.

[ 2010.03.13 04:53:48 ] piro95 > fuck you
[ 2010.03.13 04:53:55 ] piro95 > you kill me
[ 2010.03.13 04:54:06 ] Kiernance > lmao
[ 2010.03.13 04:54:20 ] Cyberin > by the way, a Vexor is not a battlecruiser…
[ 2010.03.13 04:54:32 ] Kiernance > lol
[ 2010.03.13 04:54:55 ] Cyberin > lol, why eject?

He ejected before I killed him, but since I can’t fly it…I killed the vexor anyway. Then apparently someone in corp felt his death!

[ 2010.03.13 04:54:13 ] JordanParey > is e dead yet?
[ 2010.03.13 04:55:38 ] Cyberin > yeah, just killed him

I’m leaving out this chat log, but right here you can pretend like we talked in local about why he ejected. He didn’t want me to pod him, so me and local explained you can’t do that in hisec…blah blah blah. And while we talk about that, I think I’ll take some MORE of their ore. Do these guys ever learn?

[ 2010.03.13 04:57:53 ] piro95 > stop that please
[ 2010.03.13 04:57:59 ] Cyberin > stop what?
[ 2010.03.13 04:58:14 ] piro95 > the flippe of my can
[ 2010.03.13 04:58:30 ] Cyberin > sure thing
[ 2010.03.13 04:58:38 ] piro95 > okay
[ 2010.03.13 04:58:38 ] Kiernance > it is part of the game it happens get over it or get an orca
[ 2010.03.13 04:59:24 ] piro95 > okay you play and that
[ 2010.03.13 04:59:35 ] Cyberin > or just keep doing it over and over and over like you do piro, that’s fine too…
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:14 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:17 ] piro95 > yes me too
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:28 ] piro95 > ikts crazy
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:35 ] piro95 > for my vexor
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:36 ] piro95 > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:00:44 ] piro95 > my vexor is destruct
[ 2010.03.13 05:01:46 ] Cyberin > have another one?
[ 2010.03.13 05:02:39 ] piro95 > no
[ 2010.03.13 05:02:41 ] piro95 > men
[ 2010.03.13 05:03:04 ] piro95 > go fight with your brother
[ 2010.03.13 05:03:13 ] Cyberin > lol
[ 2010.03.13 05:03:22 ] piro95 > is have no other personne is fight whit you

Go fight with my brother…seriously? WTF is that?! I am glad he asked me so nicely to stop can-flipping him…I actually did stop. But only because they finally wised up and I didn’t see any more cans. Now, skip forward 9 hours (not sure if that was sleep or work…it was one of the two though). I log in, and he immediately convos me…

[ 2010.03.13 14:54:57 ] piro95 > yo
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:06 ] Cyberin > o/
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:08 ] piro95 > you not can flippe
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:13 ] piro95 > today
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:20 ] Cyberin > i can flip every day
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:37 ] piro95 > a ok go at caretyn
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:47 ] piro95 > i help you for can flip
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:55 ] piro95 > and i protect you
[ 2010.03.13 14:55:56 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 14:56:50 ] Cyberin > why would i need protection from you? You suck at fitting ships…and got killed by me already…
[ 2010.03.13 14:56:50 ] piro95 > are you fight with
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:09 ] piro95 > fight with me
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:11 ] piro95 > another
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:18 ] piro95 > i retry
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:23 ] piro95 > with you
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:43 ] Cyberin > ok, sounds good
[ 2010.03.13 14:57:59 ] piro95 > lets go
[ 2010.03.13 14:58:01 ] piro95 > ¸okay
[ 2010.03.13 14:58:22 ] Cyberin > i’m on my way, where you wanna fight?

He goes from telling me not to can-flip, to telling me he’ll protect me if I do, to telling me he wants to kill me. Bi-Polar much?

[ 2010.03.13 14:59:54 ] Cyberin > why close chat piro? we need to discuss details

O! My! F’ing! Lord!…he starts with the hide-and-go-seek private convo’s. Really….shoot me please! My next excerpt tells what a hide-and-go-seek convo is .

[ 2010.03.13 15:00:26 ] piro95 > a ok
[ 2010.03.13 15:01:13 ] Cyberin > where we gonna do this at?
[ 2010.03.13 15:02:38 ] Cyberin > i’m waiting…
[ 2010.03.13 15:02:46 ] piro95 > ok just time
[ 2010.03.13 15:02:47 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 15:02:58 ] piro95 > im just prepar my frigate
[ 2010.03.13 15:03:04 ] piro95 > its =
[ 2010.03.13 15:03:05 ] Cyberin > convo me again when you’re ready
[ 2010.03.13 15:03:12 ] piro95 > frigate versus frigate
[ 2010.03.13 15:03:31 ] Cyberin > ok
[ 2010.03.13 15:04:54 ] Cyberin > lol, quit opening and closing the chat, unless you wanna discuss this in local, which is fine with me
[ 2010.03.13 15:05:30 ] Cyberin > lets fight at planet 7
[ 2010.03.13 15:07:11 ] Cyberin > you coming?
[ 2010.03.13 15:09:27 ] Cyberin > you are the one that wanted to fight, so fucking undock, grow some balls, and come fight…
[ 2010.03.13 15:10:06 ] Grelinor > lol who you talking to, kid?
[ 2010.03.13 15:10:17 ] piro95 > you are obligate to agression whit mebecause can not atytack you
[ 2010.03.13 15:10:34 ] Cyberin > you need to come over here and we have to take from each others cans, then we can fight
[ 2010.03.13 15:10:44 ] piro95 > ok
[ 2010.03.13 15:10:51 ] Cyberin > i’m at planet 7
[ 2010.03.13 15:11:08 ] Cyberin > and i’m talking to your little buddy here Grel…obviously
[ 2010.03.13 15:11:30 ] Grelinor > yeah I figuerd out
[ 2010.03.13 15:11:41 ] Grelinor > Although it wasn’t obvious from the first thing I read
[ 2010.03.13 15:12:06 ] Cyberin > gotcha
[ 2010.03.13 15:12:33 ] Cyberin > he’s been bother me all morning to fight and he’s still sitting in the station…
[ 2010.03.13 15:13:29 ] Grelinor > lol he’s skilled as a miner… not sure what he can do as a fighter…
[ 2010.03.13 15:13:42 ] Cyberin > me either, but he’s the one that wants to fight
[ 2010.03.13 15:13:44 ] Grelinor > but you guys should just shake hands, pay each other a beer, get drunk and have fun
[ 2010.03.13 15:13:56 ] Cyberin > i’m having loads of fun, no need to shke hands
[ 2010.03.13 15:14:21 ] Grelinor > I’m not sure he is

Ok, now, during this next log, I had 5 separate private convos with piro95 trying to get him to grow some balls. He kept saying he was going to fight, and stalling, and fighting, and stalling. I think he might have been playing with himself in preparation, I’m not really sure. All I know is he kept closing convo, which is why I kept opening new ones…and which lead to 5 convo’s…all of which included me questioning his manhood. I’m not posting those logs, because they are boring…and since he can’t talk well, are very hard to understand, and this paragraph sums it up nicely.

This is also where I am introduced to Grelinor. Piro’s corp mate who is running around in a Caracal pretending like I don’t know he’s there to try and help Piro gank me…and at the same time, try and reason with me to stop all the bloodshed and let the hamsters go free! If Ivanna was here, I’m sure he’d say cowbell was involved somehow.

[ 2010.03.13 15:15:19 ] Grelinor > but just to avoid any more bloodshed (or metalshed, anyways)… anyway you guys can work this out?
[ 2010.03.13 15:16:10 ] Cyberin > um, no, not really…i’m not in the business of working things out without bloodshed
[ 2010.03.13 15:17:37 ] Grelinor > it is too bad
[ 2010.03.13 15:18:33 ] Cyberin > not really
[ 2010.03.13 15:18:40 ] Cyberin > i quite enjoy it
[ 2010.03.13 15:18:46 ] Grelinor > you know I can’t let you kill a corpmate without acting, then you’ll bring friends, we’ll bring friends, it’s gonna end in a war which not one of us want
[ 2010.03.13 15:19:10 ] Cyberin > actually, you don’t want that…i personally would LOVE that
[ 2010.03.13 15:19:25 ] Cyberin > now tell your corpy to come to planet 7 so we can end this
[ 2010.03.13 15:20:06 ] Grelinor > i’ll let you invite him, I’m not in favour of that exchange
[ 2010.03.13 15:20:22 ] Cyberin > i have been
[ 2010.03.13 15:20:29 ] Cyberin > guess he’s scared
[ 2010.03.13 15:23:56 ] Cyberin > take from my can and drop your own piro, that way it’s fair and we both get aggro
[ 2010.03.13 15:25:20 ] Cyberin > you need to come take from my can too Piro…i’m not getting personal corp aggro with your friend here…unless you do too…
[ 2010.03.13 15:25:24 ] Cyberin > i’m not an idiot

Now, there is another 16 minutes of me talking to Piro in local about how we both need to flip each others can’s to get agro on each other to make it fair since he’s got a friend in system with him that can help kill me. The whole time I’m just stalling for a fellow ninja salvager from The Ninja Alliance channel to show up in his domi to remote rep me (yes, overkill is a good thing, lol). Thanks for the help Merktlhu!

Once he gets in system, I take from Piro’s can, and sure enough both him and Grelinor open up on me. Grelinor decides to be cocky as he gets me to half armor before my RR starts repping me back up after he lands from warp.

[ 2010.03.13 15:41:58 ] Grelinor > ok had enough?

There’s the cocky…

[ 2010.03.13 15:42:31 ] Cyberin > sure have…lol

There’s the return cocky after Merktlhu lands next to me…

[ 2010.03.13 15:44:43 ] Cyberin > what? tired of talking?
[ 2010.03.13 15:44:53 ] Cyberin > you didn’t think i’d actually let you win did oyu?

He stops shooting me, and shoots my mate in a Domi…which, wasn’t that smart…as I might not have been able to kill him on my own, but a Dominix certainly can.

After that, we had a long (really long) convo in local about fighting, them dishonoring a 1v1 (because it was originally supposed to be one…for Piro at least)…and a bunch of other stuff that doesn’t matter. And for those of you wondering about the 1v1 thing…no, I don’t really care about that…as personally I don’t honor them either unless I know you, but…I thought it was fun to pick on them about it and it got a rise out of them for a while.

[ 2010.03.13 16:28:56 ] Cyberin > you done mining today?

That is all…

Now…the next post concerning Kiernance will be out soon (2 hours after this one actually…gotta give it a little space ya know…).

Some people will love it, some people will be saddened by it…but I have decided to go Pirate. As much as I’ve enjoyed being a Ninja, the yearning for blood has just become too strong…so I’ve taken the leap.

At the moment I’m running around waiting to hear a yes or no from my application to The Tuskers…hopefully that will go over well, as they are an awesome group of people I’d love to be a part of. Though, I will miss Suddenly Ninjas as they are an awesome group of people too .

I’ve got a decent bit of kills in High Security space, but to be a Pirate I need to do it out in lowsec…without tricking people into shooting me. The first 2 days I started I couldn’t find any kills, but then the 3rd day (yesterday) I got a bit luckier. I got 3 destroyer kills in my Rifter, and the pods of 2 of them. The first pod got away because I forgot I moved my scram to the F1 slot and turned it off rather than my guns and he warped out.

One of the individuals I popped and podded had a nice conversation with me this afternoon…you can read it below.

From: Elliot42
Subject: No Subject
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:31

you blew up my ship last night very effectice tactics would like to work with you no grudge

To: Elliot42
Subject: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 sometime (original correspondence not found, paraphrased transcript follows)

What do you mean work with me?

From: Elliot42
Subject: No Subject
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:36

if you alow me to mine in that sector or any other that you cover than i would be willing to split profits i am looking for rare minerals and have the capabilitys to mine alot

To: Elliot42
Subject: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:41

I doubt a 2 day old character can mine enough to pay me what i’d be satisfied with to not shoot them.

From: Elliot42
Subject: Re: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:45

this character is 2 days i had a breach in my old character. he may be young but he is already rich. you can either take this offer or the money you could have made will be on your head. it is up to you but in time i will come after you

To: Elliot42
Subject: Re: Re: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:48

how much isk are you talking? I need a number you are willing to pay

From: Elliot42
AfterSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 17:49

for mining rights ill give 30%.

To: Elliot42
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 sometime (original correspondence not found, paraphrased transcript follows)

I don’t do percentages, I require a set amount of ISK per day.

From: Elliot42
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Sent: 2009.11.26 18:17

thats what i do percents. never mind ill just park a fleet next time see how you do then. blows up a scout lol good luck

After this, I had to go have Thanksgiving Dinner at two different families places…came back a few hours later to find out that I now have a bounty of 15,000 ISK. Yes, don’t be shocked…you read that correctly. It is 15…with THREE (holy shit…THREE!!!) Zeros. This dude wasn’t messing when he said he was rich!

So, I’m pretty scared now…not entirely sure what I should do. I was considering possibly giving all my assets away and quitting EVE just to be on the safe side. But after speaking with a few people, including a Preacher, two cheap hookers, and a mailman, I’ve decided to take my chances and hope the Noob Fleet of Doom doesn’t show up and rape me mercilessly.

A lot of people recently let me know that they enjoyed reading about two idiots I had the pleasure of encountering.   Some people thought they were funny, some people thought they were stupid (I thought both…or maybe just naive).  Either way, one of them (Antiquity1) thought I was the stupid one…and I was met with this evemail upon logging into the game one day.

2009.10.26 01:19 – From Antiquity1
Hey, just wondering if you wanted a PvP match in Assiettes? Message back with a time please.

Needless to say, this sounded like an excellent plan to me, so after a few more evemails…we decided to meet!

2009.10.26 12:37 – To Antiquity1
What type of match? Ship Type?

2009.10.26 17:43 – From Antiquity1
Remember a few days ago you were in your Wolf? How about that

2009.10.27 03:18 – To Antiquity1
Depends on what you plan on being in…

2009.10.27 11:19 – From Antiquity1
Not really sure yet, howabout I turn up in whatever ship I’m using when you get in system and I’ll see if you think thats alright?

(continue reading…)