Hands Off, My Loots!

Alright, I’ve been back in game for 2-3 months now so I guess now is a good time to talk about all the changes since I went on my last little leave of absence…as if anyone actually cares.

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First and foremost…I am no longer in the Ninjas anymore.  Lots of people already know that, but I never officially mentioned it.  I finally bit the bullet and decided to join up with Velocity Prime and the Misfit Toys in nullsec.  Truthfully, 0.0 was the one thing in EVE I’d never tried, and actually never wanted to because cap fights and lag didn’t sound fun at all.

I’m glad I did though, because my new alliance, Clockwork Pineapple, is awesome…and it’s nothing like the 0.0 I imagined.  There’s always fights…plenty of dumb people…and gives fun scamming possibilities (read my recent post on that if you haven’t already…).  The one thing that’s really cemented it I’d have to say would be Clockwork.  For anyone that doesn’t know about them, they were originally in Goons, and a long while ago split off and became their own Alliance…and as far as I know have no plans to do the Sov Game anytime soon (which is good for me).  So, for those few of you that told me recently I suck because I’m a goon now…you are wrong…I’m a gRoon…sort of…technically I’m a Droog…but whatever.

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What else has happened? Lots…

I bought a Cap character to try out, didn’t enjoy it that much and am currently selling him as I write this.  I’m already back up to 5 accounts, though the one with the Cap character will be closed once I sell him off.

Cyb is up to 12.3 Mil SPs (and since I’ve been playing since 2007…I’ve finally decided to stop rerolling since that’s a far cry from what I SHOULD have right now).

My alts are all doing there thing, scouting, trading, hauling, scamming, infiltrating…not much details I can give on all that other than to say once I get this Cap character sold, I’ll be up to a little over 40bil net worth…it’s good being rich again.  For those of you that don’t know…I used to be a very big time trader before I quit EVE last time, and have started getting back into that, running a few investments for TEARS, etc…and will probably be expanding my reach in that field a bit more in the short term future as a way to pay for all the expensive ships I want to get blown up.

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I’ve got so many logs from stuff I’ve done since I’ve gotten back, that I’ve decided I’m not going to post anything with them…because looking through 3 months of logs on 5 characters with 5-10 channels open all the time on each results in an amount of effort I am not willing to devote to it.  So, hopefully I’ll start getting some more Tears and retarded people to post about soonish.

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What am I going to do with Hands Off, My Loots! since I’m no longer a Ninja?

That’s a good question…and actually the reason I haven’t been posting for so long…trying to figure that out has been a pain.  I want to keep the same humorous/asshattery feel as I’ve always had…but realize I no longer have Ninjaing as a way to get those yummy Tears.

Why don’t you go ninja from time to time, you say?  Well..truthfully, I haven’t had fun doing it in a while…the amount of effort it was taking to find people and get them to shoot just got old on me, so I don’t have any desire to do it in my ‘spare’ time (as if I have any with all my alts doing crap).

As a result, the blog will lose it’s “Only Ninja Stuff” theme and become more of a repository for the general asshattery I get up to these days.  Infiltration, scamming, killing sucky people in Nullsec, etc.  I will try my hardest to get lovely Tears out here in Null (it’s possible), and I’m sure the recruitment channel will bring quite a few drops to the bucket as well.  Though, from time to time, those industrialists out there might even get a nice update on what I’m doing on that side of my accounts…maybe.

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And that’s about it for now…though, if anyone has any ideas on stuff they’d like to see me talk about (custom requests, wtf?) or try to accomplish that would result in a funny ass blog post…let me know, I’d love to cater my asshattedness to special projects of interest to readers.

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Oh, one last thing…I’m gonna try and get the rest of the Toys to quit slacking…I’ve only been active for 2-3 months and I’m already the alltime killer on the boards…what gives peeps?

I’m working on my post to let everyone know what’s going on with me in EVE since October or so, it will be out most likely tomorrow…still putting a few finishing touches on it.

In the mean time, I’d like to invite any of you gamblers at a shot at a prize pool of over 12.5 Billion ISK in goodies.

Best part is for two of the prizes you don’t even need to buy any tickets!…so, spread the word if you love me. (and it’s completely 3rd party secured, so as much as I’d like to…it’s not a scam).

Link to Lovely Lotto

Before I get into it, I’ve been on a pretty dry streak blogging wise lately. But…events that occurred last night seem to have finally gotten my motivation back up…and the ideas are turning for what I want to do with the blog since I am no longer a Ninja (more about that in the next post).

I was going to make my return post talk about what’s going on with me, what I’m doing in EVE now, etc…but…this post trumps that…by about 15 Billion ISK.

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Me, and about 25 or so other members of Clockwork Pineapple were running around in a shield fleet through Syndicate, looking for some shit to kill. Since dual boxing a shield harbinger (they rock) and a scimitar wasn’t enough fun, I decided I’d hit up the recruitment channel to try my hand at these recruitment scams I’ve heard so much about.

I had to throw back a few of the fish that either didn’t bite, or were rather puny…but eventually…after only about an hour of searching, I seemed to have found a nice mark…what you find below, is the story of a very Generous Idiot.

Note: After all this was said and done, I tried to convo him again, and he rejected my convo…as well as Velocity Prime’s trying to extract some Tears (I accidentally closed the wrong client and lost his convo). About 15 minutes later, he sent me a simple evemail saying “Perhaps you can take the 15 Bil as a payment to not let others know how stupid I just was?”. Since he didn’t provide Tears, and seemed very civil about the entire affair without threatening to decapitate me and feed my severed head to the Four Horses of the Apocalypse, I decided it was a fair request and have hence edited his name out of the below chat logs.

[ 2011.02.08 03:08:54 ] GenerousIdiot > hi
[ 2011.02.08 03:08:57 ] Cyberin > greetings
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:12 ] GenerousIdiot > how arey ou
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:16 ] Cyberin > doing good
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:25 ] Cyberin > you mentioned logi and industry, which do you prefer?
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:38 ] GenerousIdiot > Mining right now
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:42 ] GenerousIdiot > I can fly a hulk and a rorq
[ 2011.02.08 03:09:56 ] GenerousIdiot > Looking to get some roids better than highsec has to offer

His post in the recruitment channel mentioned a 36mil SP character, can fly Rorqual, looking for null sec…sounded fine with me!  The only issue is the simple fact that Misfit Toys is no where near an industry corp, but I’ll take my chances and hope he’s and idiot…as you’ll read on…you’ll find out it was definitely good I did.

[ 2011.02.08 03:10:14 ] Cyberin > ah, we’ve def got that
[ 2011.02.08 03:10:29 ] GenerousIdiot > cool
[ 2011.02.08 03:10:45 ] Cyberin > we’ve got most of the low end null sec ores in our region (syndicate)
[ 2011.02.08 03:10:49 ] Cyberin > and a lot of blues for protection
[ 2011.02.08 03:10:53 ] GenerousIdiot > I see
[ 2011.02.08 03:11:00 ] GenerousIdiot > and what does your corp do overall
[ 2011.02.08 03:11:08 ] Cyberin > most of the other people around are pretty warry of us, so our systems are normally pretty clear
[ 2011.02.08 03:11:18 ] GenerousIdiot > nice

Might as well get in some information to want to come on down.  I figured since he’s an indy pilot safety would be a main concern for him, so I just through some blurbs about that out.

[ 2011.02.08 03:11:27 ] Cyberin > we are mainly producers/traders…we try and keep the syndicate market stocked
[ 2011.02.08 03:11:36 ] Cyberin > more miners and a rorqual would be nice
[ 2011.02.08 03:12:04 ] GenerousIdiot > well I don’t have a rorqual yet but I have some stuff to sell that I could get one
[ 2011.02.08 03:12:19 ] Cyberin > well, we might be able to get you one once you are in corp for a while
[ 2011.02.08 03:12:36 ] GenerousIdiot > oh cool
[ 2011.02.08 03:12:43 ] Cyberin > after a few months

After I find out he doesn’t actually own a Rorqual, I figure the lure of possibly getting one for free could help set the hook even deeper…so that is what I do.

And in other thought…if you are looking for a corp to join…you should probably at least do a show info on the corp.  Here’s a screenshot of the Toys corp description…look at all that industry information!

[ 2011.02.08 03:12:51 ] GenerousIdiot > well what kind of requirements do you have
[ 2011.02.08 03:13:17 ] Cyberin > we actually don’t have many requirements. Ability to fly a mining barge, and possibly manufacture
[ 2011.02.08 03:13:29 ] Cyberin > willingness to form up defense fleets if we have enemies come rolling through
[ 2011.02.08 03:13:45 ] GenerousIdiot > cool

1. Idiots only
2. Rich people
3. No common sense
4. Inability to read details or check for obvious flaws in corp recruitment statements
5. Idiots only
6. Rich people
7. IDIOTS ONLY

[ 2011.02.08 03:13:58 ] Cyberin > we do require a limited api check though
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:00 ] GenerousIdiot > do you do your own production, or import or
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:08 ] GenerousIdiot > how do you check API?
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:16 ] Cyberin > we normally import in minerals we don’t mine ourselves (which is why more miners would be nice)
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:27 ] GenerousIdiot > ya\
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:32 ] Cyberin > and do production locally…we have most t1 BS and below researched BPOs, and a few cap ship bpos
[ 2011.02.08 03:14:37 ] Cyberin > multiple pos
[ 2011.02.08 03:15:06 ] GenerousIdiot > nice

In case you don’t know.  The key purpose of a recruitment scam, is to get the mark to pay you a “security deposit”.  In order to do this, you can either randomly throw out a number, or you can glean information from them in order to find out how much ISK they might be able/willing to pay.  In my case, I decided to go the information route and simply asked for a limited API key.  I could have also asked for a full key, but I didn’t want to spook him (as if he’d be smart enough to get spooked anyway).

[ 2011.02.08 03:15:14 ] Cyberin > one second, i’ll give you a link you can put your api into, it won’t show me you api info at all, just the information it provides, so pretty secure
[ 2011.02.08 03:15:36 ] Cyberin > we also have multiple JF pilots to move stuff for people
[ 2011.02.08 03:16:25 ] Cyberin > http://zzj.itf-inc.com/eveapi/audit.php you can put your info in there, and then I’ll be able to view the info
[ 2011.02.08 03:16:46 ] GenerousIdiot > ok one sec
[ 2011.02.08 03:19:17 ] GenerousIdiot > http://zzj.itf-inc.com/eveapi/audit.php?key=blahblahblahblahblahblah&view=skills
[ 2011.02.08 03:19:23 ] GenerousIdiot > there ya go
[ 2011.02.08 03:19:46 ] Cyberin > ok, one sec while i check on it
[ 2011.02.08 03:20:43 ] GenerousIdiot > brb

A quick review of the API showed he has just over 800 Million in liquid ISK, so I’m happy now and thinking of a possible 150mil ISK payout from this scam if it works.  Boy, was I wrong!

[ 2011.02.08 03:22:24 ] Cyberin > wow, very nice industry skills
[ 2011.02.08 03:22:38 ] Cyberin > i’d offer to jump your stuff down for you but you can already fly a JF
[ 2011.02.08 03:24:17 ] GenerousIdiot > back
[ 2011.02.08 03:24:36 ] Cyberin > k, did you get my last message?

Another part of these scams is of course trying to get the mark to give you their stuff (I can haz stufs?).  This guy can fly a lot of big stuff, and since I already know he doesn’t have a Rorqual I figured I’d see if he might have a Jump Freighter since I see he can fly one.  He never answers me…but I end up finding out a bit later that he does.

I assume though, that since he can fly one he’ll have one and will want to move his own stuff…bummer .

[ 2011.02.08 03:24:37 ] GenerousIdiot > well, i’ll be out of town snowboarding for the next few days
[ 2011.02.08 03:24:46 ] GenerousIdiot > So it would be a while before I could bring my stuff down
[ 2011.02.08 03:24:51 ] Cyberin > oh, where you going?
[ 2011.02.08 03:25:07 ] GenerousIdiot > Big Bear Mountain in So-Cal
[ 2011.02.08 03:25:14 ] GenerousIdiot > hopefully won’t kill myself
[ 2011.02.08 03:25:37 ] Cyberin > ah, never been snowboarding
[ 2011.02.08 03:25:56 ] Cyberin > but anyway, we’ve got a few JF pilots and could move your stuff for you if you decide to join while you are gone, that way it will be waiting for you

Um…ok…always bet on stupid right?  I will most DEFINITELY help you move your shit while you are on vacation!  Though, at this point…I’m still not expecting to get his stuff since he can fly a Jump Freighter himself…I start thinking about maybe offering him a Cyno out to our home and killing him when he gets there…hoping some good stuff drops.

[ 2011.02.08 03:26:36 ] GenerousIdiot > well, its a pretty substantial amount of stuff
[ 2011.02.08 03:26:41 ] GenerousIdiot > Would I need to cover fuel or anything
[ 2011.02.08 03:27:23 ] Cyberin > nah, we cover fuel, but we do have a security fee we charge, that is reimbursed after 30 days
[ 2011.02.08 03:27:31 ] Cyberin > to make sure you don’t steal out of the corp coffers, etc
[ 2011.02.08 03:28:02 ] Cyberin > it’s based on SPs and experience, for someone of your skill points, it’s normally 1bil…but i notice on your API you only have 800mil or so
[ 2011.02.08 03:28:20 ] Cyberin > we might be able to work out a deal on that since you’d be trusting us with moving your assets while you are gone
[ 2011.02.08 03:28:29 ] GenerousIdiot > ah ok

Ok…normal train of thought for a sane individual: “I can haul my own stuff, but I’ll be a while.  What? You can haul for me? I bet you can…tell me more, how do I know you won’t haz my stufs?”

This dudes train of thought: “I’m leaving for a bit and am impatient.  What? You can haul for me?  Sweet….do I have to pay you to steal my shit?”

Really…dude is not all there up stairs.  As in…he must have tripped at the top, fallen down 40 flights of stairs and shattered every light in the noggin.

You will also notice this is where I try to lure him in on the security deposit.  I figure since he’s got 800mil, I’ll say the normal fee is 1 Bil, and then offer him 150mil a little later to make it seem like an awesome deal.

[ 2011.02.08 03:28:42 ] GenerousIdiot > is there a limit of how much I can use
[ 2011.02.08 03:28:50 ] GenerousIdiot > I have a giant pile of stuff for my other characters
[ 2011.02.08 03:29:30 ] Cyberin > nope, no limit at all, all our JF pilots are bored alts
[ 2011.02.08 03:29:43 ] Cyberin > how much is giant? a couple freighter loads?

O RLY?

[ 2011.02.08 03:30:20 ] GenerousIdiot > maybe one
[ 2011.02.08 03:30:24 ] GenerousIdiot > maybe
[ 2011.02.08 03:30:32 ] Cyberin > oh, yeah, that’s not bad at all
[ 2011.02.08 03:30:41 ] Cyberin > doesn’t even cost a few mil to do one jump

Truthfully, when he only said one, I got a little disheartened…he’s so dumb, I figure his “huge” pile of stuff wasn’t that big at all…I admit…that was my mistake, I forgot to bet on stupid.

[ 2011.02.08 03:32:28 ] Cyberin > all of that sound good? we could really use a pilot with your skill point level and those ships
[ 2011.02.08 03:32:37 ] Cyberin > and there’s always the possibilty of flying a corp rorqual
[ 2011.02.08 03:32:39 ] GenerousIdiot > Yeah I can give it a shot
[ 2011.02.08 03:32:53 ] GenerousIdiot > can I apply tonight so i’m ready to go when I get back

At this point, our gang (remember, I’m dual boxing at the moment) is chilling on a gate waiting for some idiots to kill, and I’m getting tired and know I need to go to be in an hour or so, so I figure it’s time to try and close the deal.  I didn’t think it would be quite as simple and fast as it actually turns out to be though.

[ 2011.02.08 03:33:08 ] Cyberin > certainly you can
[ 2011.02.08 03:33:21 ] Cyberin > just right click on my name and apply o the corp
[ 2011.02.08 03:33:37 ] GenerousIdiot > ok

This is where I mention in Teamspeak to my CEO Velocity Prime to not accept the app that just went in (I normally put stupid shit in apps for my alts to join, an didn’t want VP to think this was an alt app of mine or something if he mentioned my name).

[ 2011.02.08 03:33:49 ] GenerousIdiot > who do I need to contract stuff to that i’m moving out?
[ 2011.02.08 03:33:55 ] Cyberin > so are you bringing any indy stuff down, or just stuff for alts?
[ 2011.02.08 03:34:05 ] Cyberin > oh, you can contract it to me if you’d like, i’ll move it to my alts
[ 2011.02.08 03:34:34 ] GenerousIdiot > ok
[ 2011.02.08 03:34:37 ] GenerousIdiot > give me a few minutes
[ 2011.02.08 03:34:42 ] Cyberin > certainly

I was typing that second statement while he was typing the first…I was expecting to have to goad him a bit more, but apparently he’s just that dumb…and I’m the mos trustworthy person in EVE.  At this point, I’m truthfully wondering if he’s just trying to troll me…no one can be this idiotic right?

[ 2011.02.08 03:35:57 ] Cyberin > oh, almost forgot…the security deposit
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:03 ] GenerousIdiot > oh right
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:03 ] GenerousIdiot > hang on
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:10 ] GenerousIdiot > 750m ok?

But just in case…gotta get the most out of it right?  He immediately offers 750 Million before I can tell him the CEO said 150 Mil would be fine.  Sure…that sounds good to me.

[ 2011.02.08 03:36:17 ] GenerousIdiot > To be returned after 30 days?
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:23 ] Cyberin > well, normallly 1bil, but 750 will work
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:27 ] GenerousIdiot > ok
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:29 ] Cyberin > talked with ceo about it and he said that’s fine
[ 2011.02.08 03:36:47 ] GenerousIdiot > Done

Yes…that simple…no questions about safety.  No security concerns.   No asking how he’d be safe from a scam.  No nothing.

[ 2011.02.08 03:37:28 ] GenerousIdiot > what station should I set the contract to
[ 2011.02.08 03:37:56 ] Cyberin > aas station V
[ 2011.02.08 03:38:18 ] Cyberin > is there gonna be collateral?
[ 2011.02.08 03:39:09 ] GenerousIdiot > no
[ 2011.02.08 03:39:14 ] Cyberin > even better

I got a little cocky here, glad he didn’t understand the reason I said “even better”.  And yes, you are reading this correctly…less than 1 minute after he sent me 750 Million ISK he was asking where to contract me his stufs to.  I had to ask about the collateral, because even though it might have scared him off (though…i was seriously doubting it now with the blind sending of that much ISK), I needed to make sure he sent it to me free of charge.

[ 2011.02.08 03:41:44 ] GenerousIdiot > ok stuff to be shipped is up
[ 2011.02.08 03:41:44 ] Cyberin > oh wow, anshar, that’s gonna be hard to move

I swear I didn’t shit my pants…almost maybe…but I totally did NOT shit my pants.  I may however have squealed like a little school girl in Teamspeak about my new found fortune…sorry if I interrupted the op a bit pBump.  The first contract has the Anshar, a Redeemer, and some other stuff in it.  And a second contract, to be couriered to our home station, was 927,000m3 (which by the way, can’t be carrier by anything other than a max level Charon pilot…which he should have known and thought about being a Jump Freighter pilot…he wins again I guess).  In my excitement…I can’t see what’s in the courier package…either because you have to be in the station with it, or I just couldn’t find where to view it in the contracts panel…but this is where I made my first mistake.

I mentioned the Anshar.

[ 2011.02.08 03:41:47 ] GenerousIdiot > and I applied to the corp
[ 2011.02.08 03:41:59 ] GenerousIdiot > oh I did that on accident, gonna use that to move the rest of my stuff when I get back
[ 2011.02.08 03:42:02 ] GenerousIdiot > you can contract that back to me, don’t need to ship it
[ 2011.02.08 03:42:07 ] Cyberin > ah, one sec

As you can tell, he didn’t mean to give me the Anshar (and I’m assuming some other stuff…like the hundreds of millions in moon goo).  At this point, I immediately accept and fail the second contract (not sure why I hadn’t done it yet) to insure he didn’t decide to cancel it.  In retrospect, after looking at the stuff in that package, it seems only the fittings for the battleships and a few frigates were in that package…which makes me wonder if he was going to put up another contract with the cruiser fittings in it (which seems like it would have been quite a bit).  But I decided to cut my winnings and play it safe once he mentioned wanting the Anshar back.

[ 2011.02.08 03:49:21 ] GenerousIdiot > ?
[ 2011.02.08 03:50:38 ] Cyberin > oh, yeah…abot that
[ 2011.02.08 03:50:46 ] Cyberin > ceo said app rejected, and thanks for the fish

It took me exactly 41 minutes and 52 seconds to scam this guy out of 14.9 Billion ISK.  I’d say that’s a damn fine stroke of beginners luck. (I’ve scammed in other ways before, never recruitment scamming though).

———-

P.S.

To GenerousIdiot,

I’m glad you’ve never read my blog and didn’t know who I was…VERY glad.  I hope you enjoy your trips to the snow covered mountains, please watch out for trees, I hear they sting if you hit them.  I will be here keeping your assets safe.

Well, even though I’m not a Ninja anymore (GROON here…more about that in next post), I’ll always consider them where I found my calling in EVE…so, I must give them plugs where plugs are due (buttes?).

Apparently, after I left, the babies over at Suddenly Ninjas decided to be all cheerful and crap (WTF dudes?) and give away free ships for the holidays. While I don’t approve of wasting corp cash on carebears…hopefully some decent pirates will get a hold of them, fit them nice and shiny, and then come let me kill them.

All kidding aside, if you are interested in free ships from people that have really big egos and have some obsession with spending too much isk just to be more well known (I do it…though, the well known part only seems to work for me on peoples killmails…)…read up on the info at Aiden’s Blog or the EVE-O Forums.

So…life has fixed itself for a little while (again)…anyone still read this?